I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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