Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
