I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
