I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
