So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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