I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
