Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Someone shattered a urinal.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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