He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
