Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
