kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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