I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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