btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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