2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
