I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
