oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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