forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
