It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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