I am in a vortex of obligation.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize