Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
