I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
