Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize