I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
