I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm jealous of your bromance
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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