bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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