I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
