i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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