the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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