where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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