just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
