i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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