This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
