a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
