Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
