Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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