His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
