Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
