sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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