So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
