I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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