hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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