I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
