While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
