Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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