obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish my penis had a tongue
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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