69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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