She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's rum buckets o'clock
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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