Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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