I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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