So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
