It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
