she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
