sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
