the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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