I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
