i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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