Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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