see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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