Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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