Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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