yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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