Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
