I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
