Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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