You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
