you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
