I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need to calm my uterus...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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