My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
