After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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