I bet he comes in French.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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