If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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