I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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