Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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