Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
