You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
