We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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