just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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