Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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