Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
