Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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