You smell like a Billy Joel song
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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