also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
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I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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